Tom Rhodes - Spotlight Interview

Comedian Tom Rhodes sat down with SocialColumbia.com for an exclusive interview

SOCIAL COLUMBIA: Hello Tom, thank you for taking the time to talk to us.

RHODES: It's a dream come true, believe me.

SOCIAL COLUMBIA: According to imdb.com you played Yoga Boy Jeremy in the film "Just A Little Harmless Sex". Was this a challenging role for you?

RHODES: You have obviously been receiving the "straight to video" digest. Yes indeed I spoke two full sentences in that motion picture and consider it an honor as I was grouped in the scene with Lauren Hutton and for four glorious days I got to shoot the shit with her during the long stretches between scenes. She is the queen of gap toothed people and as a gap toothed person I worship her. She's even cooler than you could imagine, she said she respected the hell out of comedians and told me some fabulous stories about hanging out with Sam Kinison in the Eighties. It's astonishing how she could be 15-20 years older than me and how helplessly I felt under the control of her retained beauty, it just goes to show that a woman's spirit is what makes her beautiful no matter what her age. I kept trying to tell her with my eyes that she could have me if only she spoke the desired words, but she never picked up on it.

SOCIAL COLUMBIA: Did you muster an off-screen romance with Alison Eastwood and or Kimberly Williams during the making of this film?

RHODES: Neither, but there was an outdoor street fight that had to be filmed very late at night and the freezing temperatures lead to some memorable huddling around heaters with shared North Face coats telling dirty jokes to each other. Kimberly Williams is as scrumptious as a soul could possibly get and Allison Eastwood is well, the daughter of the coolest bad ass whoever lived; Allison also knew a slew of priceless dirty jokes. To be honest with you I was going through a breakup at the time and it was extra sweet to be around such exquisite beings and be reminded that there are some supremely swell gals in the world and there is no need to be bitter and that you will laugh again.

SOCIAL COLUMBIA: Would you ever do a nude scene?

RHODES: Hell yeah. but could you give me six months notice so that I can get my belly in a photographic realm where it would look good when I tightened my stomach muscles.

SOCIAL COLUMBIA: Have you had time to recover from the canceling of your "Mr. Rhodes" show on NBC?

RHODES: It did make me swear and kick the dirt a lot; not that it had been canceled, but because the writing was so weak and it had nothing to do with me and that no one would listen to me. It was a blessing that that show was canceled because I couldn't think of a worse curse in this life than being famous for being a false identity. The cash was luscious and I did a lot of benevolent and selfish things with what I saw as my NBC artists grant. The players on that show were of enormous talent and wit, and it'll be a long eternity in hell for those writers who squandered the possibilities by recycling Mad magazine jokes and perpetuating bad hair jokes on what became of the show.

SOCIAL COLUMBIA: Would you take another TV gig? I assume you would.

RHODES: Wouldn't we all like to only do things that would make the hipsters gasp in awe at our artistic integrity? I've avoided Los Angeles for a while and have only the honor of being the "King of the mini-mall comedy clubs" to show for it. I'm no snob and will tell you I adore television and grew up with it and depend upon it like an intravenous drip, but the truth of the matter is that good television is hard to come by these days and that the burgeoning number of outlets have not strengthened the medium, but only maximized the amount of shit that spills into our brains and permeates as our generation's imprint upon these times of ours. I would like to do television again, but I don't want to be left with the "blowing guys at the bus station" feeling that I had after the last one. There are smart ways to go about it and it seems that the best way to go about it is to take less money on a lower channel so that you can be more real, also I've been working a lot in London and admire the way they make shows there in limited runs and utilize the best writing for those brief number of shows, who on this globe doesn't know every word of dialogue from Absolutely Fabulous and Fawlty Towers? I would like to make people laugh in the most outreaching durable way with the longest lingering effect, yes.

SOCIAL COLUMBIA: I guess it's always cool to say you had your own TV show regardless of how long it was on. It's a good line to use on the ladies.

RHODES: It was a rib-tickling thrill to be on the "Peacock Network" and I chose to make the show with them because I was enamored with the comedic history that had taken place there. I grew up watching Johnny Carson (I miss you Johnny) and SNL, and let's not forget that these are the people who brought us Taxi, Bill Cosby, Cheers, Seinfeld and Friends. Back even to shows I can't remember like Sid Ceasar's Your Show of Shows and Jack Parr. NBC is the fucking New York Yankees of television. I couldn't imagine what an extra special feeling it would be to be a part of a show that I felt proud of.

SOCIAL COLUMBIA: Are there any projects that you're currently working on?

RHODES: I just finished a documentary about me as a stand-up comedian that I've been making with San Francisco independent film maker Gary Smithson. We've been working on this film for over 4 1/2 years and it's about evolution as a comedian. The film starts with horrendous footage of me starting out at 17 with acid washed jeans, bolo ties and weak ass material and leads you through the years with the build up to the TV show and me moving to New York afterwards. It's all been shot on film and there are interview clips with gorgeous people like Janeanne Garafalo, Dave Chapelle, Bobby Slayton and my uncle Bob who inspired me to do comedy as well as TV ponderings from Ron Glass and Peter Noah. Noah was the cock lick Producer of the Mr. Rhodes Show whose decision it was to not give me any jokes and pushed aside any jokes I brought him like I had offended him by insinuating that he and his writers didn't have it covered. The film is a concise overview of what it's like to be a Comedian in the modern world and we are just now starting to submit it to film festivals, that's the projected range of this missile, we hope to get it into independent film festivals and one day I may sell copies of it off my website. All I know is that I'm tired of pouring money into this film and I'm tired of the director sleeping on my couch. Other than that, I've got a CD I'm pressing of me bringing the Ha Ha and will be selling that from my website at the beginning of the year. I've also been working on a one man show slide presentation that I premiered in sweet lounges in Amsterdam, Paris and London and hope to expand into a piece that is remembered eternally forever by everyone.

SOCIAL COLUMBIA: I know you've done talk shows from time to time. What's it like in the "Green Room" and is it as magical as it sounds?

RHODES: Backstage at The Tonight Show they do have multiple baskets of flowers, sausage and cheese snacks and more muffins than you could ever eat in one lifetime. By and large it is electrifying no matter what show you've been invited to have the host evoke your thoughts on Man and Nature and who you are dating is like belonging to some shallow royal kingdom dictated by the snooty kids you didn't like very much in high school. On The Rosie O'Donnel Show Peter Jennings was cruising my chick while I was getting make-up and on The Tonight Show I followed a weeping Pamela Anderson after she retold the tale of Tommy Lee drunkenly abusing her. She sobbed and talked of the most unfunny topic in the world today, spousal abuse; and as she fully broke down in tears and Jay Leno offered her a Kleenex, Jay then turned to the cameras and said "We'll be right back with comedian Tom Rhodes..."So you don't know what awaits you under the lights when you get out there no matter how cozy the green room may be.

SOCIAL COLUMBIA: If they made a movie about your life and Fred Savage wasn't available, who would you want to play Tom Rhodes?

RHODES: Why wouldn't Fred Savage be available? If it wasn't Fred I'd rather not see the project ever see fruition. If Freddy had other obligations or a debilitating drug problem and a lot of jobs were on the line and it was guaranteed to be an After School Special... I would only approve out of default that it would be Bob Dylan or Michael Stipe.

SOCIAL COLUMBIA: Do your family and friends ever ask you if you know other famous People?

RHODES: No, they've heard all of my bullshit and like Chicken George's family in 'Roots' they are unimpressed with my stories of self gratification. They are in deep despair that I have no money anymore for them to squeeze from. As a result I'm saving all my high fallutin' tales of celebrity excess for my next high school reunion.

SOCIAL COLUMBIA: Do you know Britney Spears?

RHODES: No.

SOCIAL COLUMBIA: If you were a Spice Girl, what would your nickname be?

RHODES: Sassy Spice!

SOCIAL COLUMBIA: What is the deal with fruit cake?

RHODES: It's some old tired bullshit that needs to be retired and never brought forth ever again. Who are these cheap old people who have no clue that no one has ever liked or eaten an entire fruit cake since the depression when people would boil an inner tube or a discarded ham bone to make soup because they were so poor and hungry that they would eat the ass out of a donkey if given the chance. Fruit cakes are death to the soul Grandma, you should at least love me enough to protect me from lead poisoning and dental decay.

SOCIAL COLUMBIA: Who are your favorite Comedians?

RHODES: Bill Hicks, Richard Pryor, Sam Kinison, Chris Rock, Eddie Izzard and Redd Foxx.

SOCIAL COLUMBIA: If you weren't "Funny Man" Tom Rhodes, what else would you be doing?

RHODES: If I weren't "Funny man Tom Rhodes" I'd be working on some highway construction crew looking longingly upon the cars rolling on to new adventures. Or I'd be robbing remote liquor stores at gun point and basking in the glory of back road motel rooms, driving at top speeds and drinking too much booze. I'd be a rodeo clown or a motorcycle stunt driver at side show carnivals. Above all you can bet your sweet ass that I'd be enjoying myself whatever it would be that I was doing, but thankfully I don't have to ask that question because I'm a funny motherfucker and bringing the Ha Ha was what I was meant to do.